the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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