I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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