The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Randomize
