I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
