I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
