Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
