There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize