thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Randomize
