i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
