i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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