I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I think people are normalizing furries
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
