i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
