New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I got inside last night via doggy door
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
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