Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
