apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
