Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
