yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
