Are we in a gay sports bar?
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
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