Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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