i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
this hospital has no fireball
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
