she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
