I just made out with a guy for $7.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize