no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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