Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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