you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
