I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
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