I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
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