I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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