What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
