I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
