He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
don't judge my taste in strippers
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
