Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Randomize