Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
