She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I think i got beer on your cat.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
