but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize