when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
