I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize