Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
