Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
