There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
