i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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