I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
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