Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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