My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Randomize
