pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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