remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
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