Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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