hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I need moral support for this bender
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
