I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
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