dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
