Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
