I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
