if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
