actually, I'm a sock model
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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