I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
