it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
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