I'm sorry my penis didn't work
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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