turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
