I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
where am i from again
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
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