But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
