just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
