when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
