So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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