Redeem this text for a blowjob
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
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