my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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