I got chris browned last night
I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize