Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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