and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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