the day after is always just damage control
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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