i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
