Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
