spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
