either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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