just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
