i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
