That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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