my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
you're hired as official boob wrangler
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Randomize
