Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
