giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
