the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
