I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize