Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
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