I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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