It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
