I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
false alarm, still single
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
