i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
