I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I can't turn off my feet"
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
