Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
