don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
