Need sex. Gaining weight.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
