A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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