of course. lets lasso hookers.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
