She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
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