This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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