I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
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