I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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