Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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