Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Randomize
