you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
