the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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