last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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