I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
