there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Randomize
