just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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