i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
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