Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Randomize
