mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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