why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
