Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
be right there i have to get my cape
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
