So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
That accounts for only three of the penises
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
