He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
