yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
